To the most respected ,
In the fall I’ll be a first-
I’ve leafed through several back issues of SpecGram, Language, and a few other journals. I’ve searched the Linguist List archives, and scoured the web. I can’t find anything it (though right hook v showed up numerous times).
I trust the scholarship of SpecGram implicitly
Hey J. J.,
We’ve elided your name and upcoming academic affiliation because there is still some chance that you will have a career once your linguistic intuitions mature, and we wouldn’t want you to do yourself irreparable harm this early on. Thank Bloomfield you didn’t post this on sci.lang
You haven’t taken phonetics and phonology yet, have you? Get a phonetics textbook out of
the library over the summer. Learn what “nasal-
You’ll get it eventually. Seeing this old chestnut trotted out again brings tears to our eyes.
To whom it may concern at SpecGram,
I recently came upon the most delightful new word, yod-
Being a generally classy kind of outfit, we try to rise above our baser instincts, thus it is beneath us to engage in petty humiliation of our linguistically colleagues and acquaintances.
Oh, who are we kidding? That’s a good one. It does strike the perfect balance of unintelligibility and apparent insultingness. It also features a great back-
Speculative Grammarian accepts well-
To the ,
Having painstakingly correlated the many laments over the imminent demise of the English language, from the 18th century right down to today, I have discovered that there are recurring patterns with ever shorter wavelengths (so to speak) that enable me, after complicated calculations, to say with certainty that English will cease to exist as of March 31, 2058. After that date, those of you who are still around will have to communicate in some language that has been less profligate with its inherited store of meaning. I just thought you’d want to know.
Having looked over your calculations, we’ve come to share your concerns. The board of SpecGram is bullish on , though. We recommend crash courses in one or both of those languages to our readers who intend to live long enough to see the Era of English come to a close.
Why do you have random equations on the cover every now and again? It looks like someone vomited up a partially digested math textbook all over an otherwise perfectly good linguistics journal. Why on earth would you let that happen?
It is true that from time to time we have included an equation as the “tag line” on the cover of our august journal. This is a long-
Safavi did this in order to convince the legal goon-
Only three volumes of SpecGram were printed in Constantinople before our offices were relocated to Scandinavia. It turns out that in-
Nonetheless, the tradition of including on the cover equations and formulae from many disciplines continues, in part as a tribute to Isma‘il Safavi’s cleverness, in part because it gives many linguists something to scratch their heads over (hint: this issue’s cover has an equation from the field of biology, not pure ), and in part because it saves our numerous subscribers in Istanbul from having to pay certain excessive import taxes, which scientific publications are exempt from to this day.