An analysis tedious of ‘wondrous’
On why that word can not rhyme with ‘thunderous’
Enculed petty mouches
And ended by smoosh-
ing a cockroach by firing a blunderbuss.
—Pumptilian Perniquity
There once was a phonemic contrast
Whose time had just almost passed
But for one environment
Wherein that the tone was higher meant
It had outlasted sound change’s grasp.
—Mannfrum van Tuckett
The task of emplacing an *
Is a fool’s game in syntax, a basilisk
Seductive and subtle
That puts in a muddle
So many so willing their *.
—Hester Fester-Münsterfenster
It’s true that in ev’ry society
The language is marked by variety:
For some coke makes you dizzy
While for others it’s fizzy,
Though both can threaten sobriety.
—H. Stephen Straight
When quality data is lacking
And all your pet theories are cracking
Just rely on “big data”
And a few minutes later
You’ll be done (with a little p-hacking).
—Col. O. Nihilist
There was once an old Phonetician
Who read his students a petition:
“Lower your velum like so,
Sound out
.”
He’d’ve made a fine politician.
—Phrançoise Phonétique
