Gentlemen,
I ran across a copy of your journal (Vol. XVI, No. 2) in the Current Numbers section of the Lhasa Municipal Linguistics Library, and was appalled to find you so far behind the current scholarship in matters of human language acquisition by non-humans. You even went so far as to suggest that Yeti might not be able to learn human languages.
The fact is, however, that Yeti trading professionals are currently transacting business in over 45 nations of the world—in the languages of their international partners! I myself am fluent in English, French, Chinese, Latin and Esperanto.
Please update your research.
Mindu Toshi Dlih
Chairman and
Chief Executive Officer
Yeti Nation
P.O. Box 16
Tibet
Dear Mr Dlih:
Thank you for your input.
-Eds.
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Editors:
On behalf of the community of linguists—theoreticians and field researchers alike—I really must protest Keith Slater’s (Vol. XVI, No. 2) completely unprovoked attack on various areas within our profession. His article, by the way, demonstrates a complete lack of understanding of all areas of linguistic investigation. But then, this comes as no great surprise; I have observed a notable lack of insight in all of his articles, in this publication and elsewhere.
I can only hope that Ps. Q. will see fit to replace this charlatan with someone at least a little bit capable—preferably a semanticist.
D. C. Slater
Derek:
We will do no such thing. Buzz off.
-Eds.
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Editors:
The Letter from the Editors in Vol. XV, No. 4 called my phonological theories “worthless.” Please explain this unprovoked and utterly unsubstantiated attack.
Vladimir Ulyanov
Dear Nick:
Whoops! Printer’s error. The text should have read “brilliant” rather than “worthless.”
-Eds.
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Dear Sirs,
My bridge club was wondering what you call it when you switch two sounds around in a word, like “aminal” for “animal”. Is there a word for this?
Curious in Grand Rapids
Dear Curious:
Of course there is.
-Eds.
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Gentlemen (and I use the term loosely):
A friend of mine recently showed me the issue of your journal containing Doug Files’ article “Theta Roles in Ayutla Mixtec” (Vol. XIV, No. 3). Before I issue my complaint, let me say that I found Files’ article intriguing, if questionable in a few of its particulars. However, I must object to his reference to my work in the same area as “exceptionally inane,” especially since he furnishes no arguments or evidence to support his conclusion. Unless this was a misstatement, I demand that he, or you, present those arguments.
Sincerely,
Ferdinand de Saussure
Dear Fred:
Whoops! It was a misstatement. Mr. Files meant to say “exceptionally insane.”
-Eds.
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Distinguished Sirs,
Please help! I have a Ph.D. in Chinese phonology and am desperately seeking employment. You have offices and agents across the world—have you heard of any openings in this field—any at all?
Hopefully,
Jung Gwo Hwa
Jung Syansheng:
According to our information, there are no such jobs available, even at low pay, nor will there be any anytime soon. None at all. Zero. Sorry.
-Eds.
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P U B L I C A T I O N
INFORMATION
Psammeticus Quarterly is a publication of the Capital Area Linguistics Society. It is printed by authority of the κτλ Press and costs $.50 per issue. Reprints of Vol. XVI, Nos. 1 & 2 are available for $1.00 each, plus postage if applicable.
Ps. Q. actively encourages submissions, preferably kept to one page in length, on any linguistic or quasi-linguistic topic. Please send to Managing Editor, Psammeticus Quarterly, Room 1, International Center, Michigan State University, East Lansing, Michigan, 48824; alternatively, hand deliver to a managing editor.
[SpecGram editor’s note: Alas, Psammeticus Quarterly is no longer accepting submissions. Submissions which would have been appropriate for Ps. Q. are also appropriate for Speculative Grammarian, and are welcome. See our submissions page for more details.]
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