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The SpecGram Ministry of Propaganda. Welcome to the SpecGram Ministry of Propaganda. The SpecGram Archive Elves™ have undertaken a project to digitize and share a sheaf of early 20th century SpecGram propaganda posters, which were used during the Great Linguistic War and the Second Linguistic War to encourage linguists everywhere to keep a stiff upper lip and a sense of humor during those trying times. We provide the digitized posters here for you to enjoy, retrospect on, and share. Select a poster to see a higher quality image, and for links to share on social media, to email friends, and to view or download the highest quality version of the image. ... Read SpecGram Every Month! ... [ more ]

The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics . For decades, Speculative Grammarian has been the premier scholarly journal featuring research in the neglected field of satirical linguistics—and now it is available in book form—both physical and electronic! We wish we were kidding,¹ but no, seriously, we’ve published a large³ collection of SpecGram articles, along with just enough new material to force obsessive collectors and fans to buy it, regardless of the cost.⁴ From the Introduction: The past twenty-five years have witnessed many changes in linguistics, with major developments in linguistic theory, significant expansion ... [ more ]

Next Noam Chomsky to Be Selected. SpecGram Correspondent Morris Swadesh III. Speculative Grammarian has learned that preparations are already underway for the selection of the next Noam Chomsky. Although the current Noam Chomsky (privately referred to as Noam III) has not yet announced when he will step down, it is believed that he has already made the decision and that he may abdicate as early as next week. The powerbrokers of Generative Linguistics wish to be prepared, and probably hope to avoid the atmosphere of crisis that has occurred twice before, when both Noam I and Noam II left the position unexpectedly. In spite of the lack of official announcements, there can be no doubt that the Council of ... [ more ]

The Life And Death Of An Anonymous Verb. by John Miaou. Once upon a time, there was a jolly little verb, who led a care-free, happy life. He was a successful verb. He appeared in a few proverbs, and he even appeared briefly in a nation-wide commercial slogan. He had many friends of all classes, but he preferred the company of nouns. He spent particularly long hours around a certain noun of the feminine gender, who had all her declensions in all the right places. He fell in love, she fell in love, and soon they had formed their own little clause. They would often be seen snuggling in an embedded clause, making propositions together. Before long, they had a whole sentence of their own, with several little objects ... [ more ]

From Mwahaha to Bwahaha: Some Observations on Evil Laughter. By Lady Esmerelda Rose Beeton-Frasier. Evil laughter is present across the globe and can be observed in all cultures and languages.¹ At first it would appear that “Evil Laughter” or “EL” as it will be referred to, may take on various different phonetic forms, and I propose, after much research² that EL falls somewhere between “Glee”³ and “Hysterics”.⁴ EL might start out as Gleeful Laughter (GL), may progress to EL before either ceasing, or escalating rapidly to Hysterical Laughter (HL).⁵ Those who are well schooled in the art of EL may skip GL and proceed ... [ more ]

On the Proto-Indo-European Origin of ‘Twerk’. Mark Butcher & Mark Candlestick-Maker, Department of PIE Studies, Pecan University. A common question asked of linguists these days, to our collective dismay, is “What is the etymology of ‘twerk’?”¹ Twerking is a dance craze with respectable origins in the New Orleans bounce music scene,² but it has enraged millions in recent years for reasons we would rather avoid writing about. Several authors have speculated that the term is a clipping of ‘footwork’ or a portmanteau of ‘twist’ and ‘jerk’³ (foolish speculation, we know). We will make the case that the word is of ... [ more ]

ADVERTISEMENT SpecGram Estates. A Retirement Community By Linguists, For Linguists¹. The second greatest day in the life of a linguist is when they become tenured—the status, the glory, the freedom! The greatest day in the life of a linguist is when they become emeritus—the status, the glory, the freedom! Come and spend your golden years with us at SpecGram Estates; we understand you like no one else does, and we have the accommodation, the community, and the amenities that are just right for you! We all know that different linguists have different expectations of the world. At SpecGram Estates we personalize your retirement experience, creating ... [ more ]

Linguimericks, Book ६. There once was an X from place B, Who satisfied predicate P, The X did thing A, In an adjective way, Resulting in circumstance C —Anonymous, the Formal Semanticist, In Glaswegian stops oft are heard And young ladies are often called “burd” But across in the East Far from Ayr and Dumfries “Like” is the phrase-final word —Col. O. Nihilist, Polyglots have the cure to it all, Hurry up and become multilingual! It enhances your brain You find jobs with no pain And you’re envied because you are special —Cailín na Luimní There once was a scurrilous gnome Who both near and far took to roam. Woe spread as he’d stroll, Yet he said, ... [ more ]

Speculative Grammarian and SpecGram.com. Our Story. The august journal Speculative Grammarian has a long, rich, and varied history, weaving an intricate and subtle tapestry from disparate strands of linguistics, philology, history, politics, science, technology, botany, pharmacokinetics, computer science, the mathematics of humor, basket weaving, archery, glass blowing, roller coaster design, and bowling, among numerous other, less obvious fields. SpecGram, as it is known to devotees and sworn enemies alike, has for centuries sought to bring together the greatest yet least understood minds of the time, embedding itself firmly in the cultural and psychological matrix of the global society while ... [ more ]

Reconstructing the Proto-Indo-Europeans. Joseph Paul Stemberger. In the recent years, much attention has been given to the vocabulary of Proto-Indo-European (PIE). What words the PIE-ans did and did not have can tell us much. Benveniste (1973) discusses PIE kinship systems, economy and ways of life. In these studies, however, there is one very important area of the lexicon that has been neglected. No one has yet analyzed the terms for body parts to determine what the PIE-ans actually looked like. Most have probably assumed that they looked much like their descendants do today, but there is no empirical evidence supporting this assumption, and we really must attempt to verify or discredit it. At first ... [ more ]

HanjieLinguru III. ... Key phrase: подвод воздуха для охлаждения реактивного конуса, Б = # of в (in the key phrase), Д = # of o, Ж = # of ж, И = # of д, Л = # of я, Ц = # of к, Ъ = # of а, Я = # of г, з, п, р, с, and т, Trey Jones, l’École de SpecGram, Tokyo. After having been AWOL for several months (we finally located them on a beach in Biarritz), the SpecGram Puzzle Elves™ are back with their noses shackled to the grindstone for another installment of HanjieLinguru. HanjieLinguru is a simple extension of the traditional Hanjie form, but with just enough linguistics ... [ more ]

How to (Not?) Cause Offence with Linguistics, by Prof. [REDACTED], Ph.D. and [REDACTED], Litt.D. Department of Linguistics and [REDACTED], University of [REDACTED], Published 2024. 428⅐ pages While sensitivity to the feelings of others has always been good etiquette, there is a perception in modern society that this has come to take precedence over facts and reason in some circles. As language is so deeply entrenched in people’s sense of identity, and many linguistic terms are likely to be understood differently by the lay audience, there is a particular risk of linguistic statements raising hackles, no matter how well founded. Now, Prof. [REDACTED], Ph.D. and [REDACTED], Litt.D. both tenured faculty in the Department ... [ more ]

L’Ishing du Gwujlang VI—Phicorthogra. by Dorothea Dorfman and Theodora Mundorf, with additional assistance from Elyse Seely and Alene Neale. Eagle-eyed readers will by now be up to date on l’ishing from our prior groundwork (SpecGram CLXXIII.3, etc.). Though giving the sense of being much the same as French verlan, l’ishing connects actual words that can be made to line up with one another. Prior to the present discussion we have inspected dialects of l’ishing that are based on sounds; however, we have a short time ago stumbled upon a novel dialect, called phicorthogra, that is based on spelling. For example, alloy and loyal can be ... [ more ]

Further Studies in Multilingual Stimuli Incongruence. An Experimental Study Preregistration. Badkamer Schildpad Syrup. J. Ridley Stroop, my sixteenth cousin four times removed, is famous for his 1935 experiment demonstrating that naming the color of a word is more difficult when the word is itself the name of a different color. For example: RED GREEN BLUE. Less well known is that our extended family—particularly the Syrup branch—is particularly competitive. As a result, ever since I began studying experimental psychology, my parents and grandparents have waged a never-ending campaign encouraging me to “keep up with the Stroops” and “out-Stroop ... [ more ]

I U Linguistics Club. Lingua Pranca. T. Ernst & E. Smith, Editors. Indiana University. June 1978. ... i u linguistics club, edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging edging, ... Lingua, ... Pranca, ... fleur ... T. Ernst & E. Smith, eds. ... indiana university, ... [ more ]

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