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1. Modern and Historical Graphical Representations of Structural Relationships in Spoken and Written English Sentential UtterancesNattapoŋ Yunloŋ Seuŋyoŋ (86 visits)

Modern and Historical Graphical Representations of Structural Relationships in Spoken and Written English Sentential Utterances. selected and presented, with commentary, by, Nattapoŋ Yunloŋ Seuŋyoŋ BFE University, Waikikamukau, New Zealand With the mild splash created last year by Florey’s small but sincere homage, Sister Bernadette’s Barking Dog, sentence diagramming (Figure 1) was momentarily en vogue. Of course, it didn’t last long, as any student of the field could have predicted, because diagramming sentences is generally quite a boring task. The general population will look cursorily at a cleverly diagrammed sentence, in much the way they look at car wrecks on the ... more ] Book!

2. Proper Phonetic Pedagogy: Field Notes from a Laboratory ScienceJacob Bartholomew Pine (27 visits)

Proper Phonetic Pedagogy: Field Notes from a Laboratory Science. by Jacob Bartholomew Pine, Professor of Acoustic and Instrumental Phonetics, New University of Southern North Carolina. As Introductory Graduate Phonetics is my favorite class to teach, I was overjoyed to receive this journal’s summons to share the fruit of my many years of experience training the minds of the next generation of linguists. My first piece of advice is to pay close attention to the students in attendance. For example, Introductory Undergraduate Phonetics is a far different beast to the graduate course; in that course I have found it useful to restrict myself to slinkys, pipes, and violins until after the refund deadline, whereas with ... more ]

3. Vol CLXXX, No 2 (9 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Volume CLXXX, Number 2 Special Teaching Issue II, Sponsored again, but with less enthusiasm, by Rosetta Stein ... Trey Jones, Editor-in-Chief Keith Slater, Executive Editor, Associate Editors, Pete Bleackley Jonathan Downie Mikael Thompson, Assistant Editors, Virginia Bouchard Mark Mandel Yuval Wigderson, Editorial Associates, Brenda Boerger Florian Breit Bethany Carlson Madalena Cruz-Ferreira Vincent Fish Anita G. Gorman Beth Martyn Bill Spruiell Don Unger Sheri Wells-Jensen, Joey Whitford, Comptroller General Oh the Humanities! December 2017 ... more ]

4. Archives (7 visits)

SpecGram Archives. A word from our Senior Archivist, Holger Delbrück: While bringing aging media to the web and hence the world is truly a labor of love, SpecGram tries the passion of even the most ardent admirer. Needless to say, we’ve fallen behind schedule. At every turn, the authors found in the pages of this hallowed journal stretch credibility with their gratuitous font mongeringfirst it was the IPA, then a few non-standard transcription systems, then Greek, and not just the alphabet, but the entire diacritical mess, and now I’ve got some god-forsaken Old Church Slavonic glyph sitting on my desk that no one can even name, and which would give the Unicode Consortium ... more ]

5. The Logic of Teaching LinguisticsUlfheðnar ber Sarkur (7 visits)

The Logic of Teaching Linguistics. Ulfheðnar ber Sarkur. Universally acclaimed, R.I.C.E.* is an intergalactic university that prides itself on its diversity of students, faculty, and curriculum. In the Linguistics department, there are six professors teaching introductory courses this semester: ELIZA, a female artificial intelligence; Fryggyn’ a female mythical being; HAL, a male artificial intelligence; Slagathor, a female human; Θωθ a male mythical being; and 与乙凡十巨尺 a male human. The courses they teach are Phonetics, Phonology, Morphology, Syntax, Xeno Ling, and Comp Ling, with each ... more ]

6. Master Course Syllabus RevisionFall 2020LING 950: Dank Senior Semiotics: You Can Even! (6 visits)

Master Course Syllabus Revision, Fall 2020. LING 950: Dank Senior Semiotics: You Can Even!. Bulletin Description Your Deluxe Learner Experience in Semiotic Analysis Product Leveraging will allow you to operationalize your learnings across a plethora of entrepreneurial venues! Course will also refer to Sebeok, Peirce, Žižek, TropeTumblrBob. Course counts as elective in General Education Group 4A: Self-Branding through Language. Pre/Co-Requisites: Credit rating of B or higher. Marketing Prospects Using the proper critical terminology is an invaluable group-identity-marking accessory, allowing future employees to participate in Corporate Academic Profit-Center Structures while ... more ]

7. Boas’ iDesktopInformationTransmissionDeviceA Letter from the Managing Editor (6 visits)

Boas’ iDesktopInformationTransmissionDevice. A Letter from the Managing Editor. In the August 2009 Letter from the Editor, we announced a fascinating tidbit of previously lost history, when Senior Editor Keith W. Slater found in his great-grandpa Keiller W. Slater’s attic an early hand-written draft of Boas’ Handbook of American Indian Languages. In the margin next to the entry for Mekem we found this prescient comment: I can only wax wistful at the vision of desktop information transmission devices, sending words and even pictures from one man’s study to another, even across the world ... for all the world to have instantaneously transmitted to their own desks ... Great-grandpa ... more ]

8. Teaching Historical Linguistics: A Program of Much-Needed ReformLea Kim Shopmont (5 visits)

Teaching Historical Linguistics: A Program of Much-Needed Reform. by Lea Kim Shopmont, Assistant Professor of Communication, Ancilla College, Indiana. Linguistics is a branch of the humanities that prides itself on its scientific character in much the same way as phrenology, astrology, and eugenics did. Perhaps the most pernicious branch of linguistics is historical linguistics, which, regardless of its protestations of studying the history of any language, in fact concerns itself for the most part with dead white male speakers of the ludicrously misnamed “Indo-European” family of languageseven by its own testimony, neither all Europeans nor all Indians speak these languages, and thus ... more ]

9. Rosetta SteinGerman Language Delivery SystemAdvertisement (4 visits)

ADVERTISEMENT Rosetta Stein, German Language Delivery System. Learn German the most natural way: by drinking beer! ... Beer is not included. The Rosetta Stein program provides the motivation you need to learn German. The next lesson is always just a Stein away: our patented Lehrnen Stein reveals a new lesson each time you drain it dry. Ready for Lesson 3? Bottoms up! Rosetta Stein is available in premium (shown) or basic versions. Both provide the motivation you need to learn German like a native. Rosetta Stein , ... more ]

10. The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics (4 visits)

The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics . For decades, Speculative Grammarian has been the premier scholarly journal featuring research in the neglected field of satirical linguisticsand now it is available in book formboth physical and electronic! We wish we were kidding, but no, seriously, we’ve published a large collection of SpecGram articles, along with just enough new material to force obsessive collectors and fans to buy it, regardless of the cost. From the Introduction: The past twenty-five years have witnessed many changes in linguistics, with major developments in linguistic theory, significant expansion in language description, and even ... more ]

11. About Us (4 visits)

Speculative Grammarian and Our Story. The august journal Speculative Grammarian has a long, rich, and varied history, weaving an intricate and subtle tapestry from disparate strands of linguistics, philology, history, politics, science, technology, botany, pharmacokinetics, computer science, the mathematics of humor, basket weaving, archery, glass blowing, roller coaster design, and bowling, among numerous other, less obvious fields. SpecGram, as it is known to devotees and sworn enemies alike, has for centuries sought to bring together the greatest yet least understood minds of the time, embedding itself firmly in the cultural and psychological matrix of the global society while ... more ] Podcast!

12. New speech disorder linguists contracted discovered!Yreka Bakery (4 visits)

New speech disorder linguists contracted discovered!. An apparently new speech disorder a linguistics department our correspondent visited was affected by has appeared. Those affected our correspondent a local grad student called could hardly understand apparently still speak fluently. The cause experts the LSA sent investigate remains elusive. Frighteningly, linguists linguists linguists sent examined are highly contagious. Physicians neurologists psychologists other linguists called for help called for help called for help didn’t help either. The disorder experts reporters SpecGram sent consulted investigated apparently is a case of pathological center embedding. Yreka Bakery (Egello College). ... more ] Podcast! Book!

13. Grey Duck or Goose?Mapping variation in a children’s game in MinnesotaSven Slater and Ollie Bickford (3 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Youth Research Focus is proud to bring you the finest language-related research by the world’s school-aged youth. Grey Duck or Goose?, Mapping variation in a children’s game in Minnesota. Fifth Grade Science Fair Project, by Sven Slater and Ollie Bickford, J. O. Nelson Public School, St. Cloud, Minnesota, USA. Research Question. Last year, a new kid named Tyler P. joined our fourth grade class. Tyler was from Illinois or some other southern state, and she told us that down there kids play “duck, duck, goose,” instead of “duck, duck, grey duck” like we do here in Minnesota. We thought this was strange, even for the South, but then we ... more ] Podcast! Book!

14. Cartoon Theories of LinguisticsPart жThe Trouble with NLPPhineas Q. Phlogiston, Ph.D. (3 visits)

Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, Part ж—The Trouble with NLP. Phineas Q. Phlogiston, Ph.D. Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn. Please review previously discussed materials as needed. Now that that is taken care of, let us consider why Natural Language Processing (or, its alter-ego, Computational Linguistics) has not been the resounding success regularly predicted by the NLP faithful: ... Up next: Lexicostatistics vs Glottochronology. References, Baeza-Yates, Ricardo and Berthier Ribeiro-Neto (1999). Modern Information Retrieval. Manning, Christopher, and Hinrich Schütze. (1999). Foundations of Statistical Natural Language Processing. Russell, Stuart J. and Peter Norvig. ... more ] Merch! Book!

15. Cartoon Theories of LinguisticsPart EPhonetics vs. PhonologyHilário Parenchyma, C.Phil. (3 visits)

Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, Part E—Phonetics vs. Phonology. Hilário Parenchyma, C.Phil. Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn. We will skip the introduction, as we have been there, done that. Once more into the breach! For this installment in our series on Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, we will turn our attention to Phonetics and Phonology and the difference between the two: Phonetics:, ... Phonology:, ... Thanks to Professor Phlogiston, of the Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn, for the opportunity of a lifetime, as a student, to, on this occasion, share with so many of my fellow linguisticians my views, as illustrated above, concerning matters, which are of such immeasurable import ... more ] Merch! Book!

16. Grammaticalization in an Inflated Series of Signs (or, Excerpts from the Swollen Tongue)Frederic de Saucisson (3 visits)

Grammaticalization in an Inflationary System of Signs, (Or: Excerpts from The Swollen Tongue). Frederic de Saucisson. [Frederic de Saucission is best known as the Gulf Coast Functionalist who removed that school of thought from the realm of the esoteric to mainstream linguistics. Less often is he remembered as the Polish composer who emigrated to Louisiana and gained a modicum of fame from such noted Cajun operas as Il Pleut Plus and Permis de Pêcher. But, in fact, de Saucission's career in linguistics was a late development, and he spent the first forty years of his life as a composer and lyricist. Unfortunately, though his musical works were remarkable, de Saucisson had great ... more ] Book!

17. The Perplexed Linguist’s Guide to English DepartmentsAthanasious Schadenpoodle (3 visits)

The Perplexed Linguist’s Guide to English Departments. Now with Footnotes! Athanasious Schadenpoodle. So, Dear Reader, you have completed your Ph.D. in Linguistics (yay you!), run headlong into the grim realities of the modern job market (poor you!), broadened your ideas about possible teaching contexts (smart you!) and landed a gig in an English department (lucky you?). You’ve potentially got the base of the Maslovian pyramid covered for at least a semester, but you’re in a rather alien environment, surrounded by people who talk funny in a way that Dialectology 501 never prepared you for and who have some markedly odd folkways. Some culture shock is inevitable, but a little knowledge can go a long ... more ]

18. Anglomorphic Cuneiform and Puzzle SolutionTrey Jones (3 visits)

Anglomorphic Cuneiform and Puzzle Solution. Trey Jones, l’École de SpecGram, Washington D.C.. In the last issue, we offered a mildly amusing puzzle; the task given was to decipher the apparently “anglomorphic” Kenduzandi cuneiform found in the imageprovided by the Weyland Tiberius Flanderklieg Archivesof the stone tablet accompanying the mytholingual tale “Why Princes are not Scribes, and the Rat Eats Grain”. Of course the correlation between the Kenduzandi cuneiform and alphabetic letter forms is amusing, but ultimately ridiculous. To give it the respect it deserves, we got a fourth grader to outline the letters in marker. (To really give it the respect ... more ] Merch!

19. Quotes: What People are Saying (3 visits)

Quotes: What People are Saying. Here are a few of our favorite things people have said about Speculative Grammarian over the years, collected wild on the internet, or domesticated in email — Q1084. People into linguistics probably know this one already, but [I recommend] Strangecraft. —rotting bones — Q1083. Do you want to learn the funny sino-roman alphabet? Here you can do it —Massimiliano B — Q1082. Juego para lingüistas en tardes lluviosas. En realidad, no, pero me he reído leyendolo. Pobre Chomsky —Ander Egurtzegi — Q1081. My favourite [propaganda poster] is this sensitive portrait of the old-time theoretical linguist at work ... more ]

20. Linguimericks, Etc.Book ४४ (3 visits)

Linguimericks, Etc. Book ४४. A young lady who lived in Cape Cod Dropped her lovers like each was a yod. Says she, “How are /u/?” They replied, “Rather /blju/; Your di’lect indeed is quite odd.” —P. Ublekkdeaux Meign, On her way past my office one day, A philosopher popped in to say: “Every thing linguists claim Is epistemically vain: All your bes, ares, and wills should read may.” —Morris Swadesh III, There was once a linguist from Bow Who claimed all earth’s languages to know Until filled with grog, He trawled through Ethnologue And discovered at once Judezmo —Vi va Voce, cfg schmfg syntax’s excess com- plexity sux but ... more ]

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Last updated Dec. 14, 2017.