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1. Archives (8 visits)

SpecGram Archives. A word from our Senior Archivist, Holger Delbrück: While bringing aging media to the web and hence the world is truly a labor of love, SpecGram tries the passion of even the most ardent admirer. Needless to say, we’ve fallen behind schedule. At every turn, the authors found in the pages of this hallowed journal stretch credibility with their gratuitous font mongering—first it was the IPA, then a few non-standard transcription systems, then Greek, and not just the alphabet, but the entire diacritical mess, and now I’ve got some god-forsaken Old Church Slavonic glyph sitting on my desk that no one can even name, and which would give the Unicode Consortium ... [ more ]


2. The Perplexed Linguist’s Guide to English Departments—Athanasious Schadenpoodle (7 visits)

The Perplexed Linguist’s Guide to English Departments. Now with Footnotes! Athanasious Schadenpoodle. So, Dear Reader, you have completed your Ph.D. in Linguistics (yay you!), run headlong into the grim realities of the modern job market (poor you!), broadened your ideas about possible teaching contexts (smart you!) and landed a gig in an English department (lucky you?). You’ve potentially got the base of the Maslovian pyramid covered for at least a semester, but you’re in a rather alien environment, surrounded by people who talk funny in a way that Dialectology 501 never prepared you for and who have some markedly odd folkways. Some culture shock is inevitable, but a little knowledge can go a long ... [ more ]


3. Vol CLXV, No 4 (6 visits)

SPECULATIVE GRAMMARIAN, Volume CLXV, Number 4; October 2012, MANAGING EDITOR Trey Jones SENIOR EDITOR Keith Slater EDITOR EMERITUS Tim Pulju Speculative Grammarian, Vol CLXV, No 4 CONSULTING EDITORS David J. Peterson Bill Spruiell, ASSOCIATE EDITORS Madalena Cruz-Ferreira Daniela Müller Mikael Thompson, EDITORIAL ASSOCIATES Cem Bozsahin Florian Breit Jonathan Downie Adam Graham Tel Monks Mary Pearce Callum Robson Mary Shapiro Sheri Wells-Jensen, COMPTROLLER GENERAL Joey Whitford Stop Voicing Now! ... [ more ]


4. About Us (6 visits)

Speculative Grammarian and SpecGram.com. Our Story. The august journal Speculative Grammarian has a long, rich, and varied history, weaving an intricate and subtle tapestry from disparate strands of linguistics, philology, history, politics, science, technology, botany, pharmacokinetics, computer science, the mathematics of humor, basket weaving, archery, glass blowing, roller coaster design, and bowling, among numerous other, less obvious fields. SpecGram, as it is known to devotees and sworn enemies alike, has for centuries sought to bring together the greatest yet least understood minds of the time, embedding itself firmly in the cultural and psychological matrix of the global society while ... [ more ] Podcast!


5. Past Tense, Present Mood, Future Voice—A Letter from the Managing Editor (6 visits)

Past Tense, Present Mood, Future Voice. A Letter from the Managing Editor. The past couple of months have been a rather tense time, here in the SpecGram offices. Especially August, when we published those two special monographs. Monograph authors can be troublesome. Their heads swell up and they think they are “hot snot on a silver platter” when they may be nothing more than “cold boogers on a paper plate” as we hear the kids are saying these days. Now, Rye and O’Shaughnessy were nice enough, and not too demanding. But Kaithe was over the top—demanding a personal dressing room and a big bowl of red M&Ms at every stop on the press junket. What a prima donna! But that is all ... [ more ]


6. Improving L2 Performance with Pirahã, Shigudo, and Simple English—The effects of syntactic and semantic priming on successful L2 communication—Jeannot Van Tricasse (5 visits)

Improving L2 Performance with Pirahã Shigudo, and Simple English. The effects of syntactic and semantic priming on successful L2 communication. Jeannot Van Tricasse, Jules Verne University, Paris, France. As is well known, students of foreign languages are often frustrated by their lack of ability to express thoughts of normal complexity in the language they are studying.1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 This frustration can easily turn into a bitterness that leaves the student unable or unwilling to continue their language studies, even after a year or more of study.11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20 This is an unfortunate state of affairs for many reasons. Bilingualism has been implicated in ... [ more ]


7. The Pragmatics of Noam Chomsky’s Menswear Criticism and Its Implications for Universal Grammar—P.G. McSim (5 visits)

The Pragmatics of Noam Chomsky’s Menswear Criticism and Its Implications for Universal Grammar. P.G. McSim, Junior Research Fellow in Pragmatics, University of Arizona. On March 25th, 2016, Noam Chomsky and the journalist Glen Greenwald took part in an event at the University of Arizona. On greeting Greenwald, Chomsky said the following— You know, there’s this interesting essay by Albert Camus, written during his first visit to the United States, in which he described his surprise at what he regarded as the poor clothing taste of Americans, particularly men’s choices of ties. Somewhat surprised by this, Greenwald replied, “Are you sharing that anecdote because you dislike my tie?” to which ... [ more ]


8. Vol CLXXXII, No 1 (4 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Volume CLXXXII, Number 1 ... Trey Jones, Editor-in-Chief; Keith Slater, Executive Editor; Associate Editors: Pete Bleackley, Jonathan Downie, Mikael Thompson; Assistant Editors: Virginia Bouchard, Mark Mandel, Yuval Wigderson; Editorial Associates: Florian Breit, Bethany Carlson, Emily Davis, Vincent Fish, Deak Kirkham, Ollie Sayeed, Mary Shapiro, Bill Spruiell, Steve Straight, Sheri Wells-Jensen; Joey Whitford, Comptroller General; A Big Fat “Meh” on the Great, Platonic Likert Scale in the Sky; July 2018 ... [ more ]


9. Tim Pulju’s The History of Rome (4 visits)

Tim Pulju’s The History of Rome . Are you looking for a book about ancient Roman history that’s interesting, informative, and amusing? No? Oh. Well, all the same, as long as you’re on this webpage already, we’d like to recommend that you buy Tim Pulju’s The History of Rome. Easy to read, full of genuine historical facts, and adorned with amateurish hand-drawn pictures, The History of Rome is so good that even Girolamo Savonarola might hesitate to cast it into the flames. And best of all, it’s only $6.99! Buy one now! Interested, but wary of being burned by a slick advertising campaign for a product that fails to live up to the hype? Then download the free preview and read ... [ more ]


10. Schwimmericks—Book ७६—With Guest Editors Ross and Rachel (4 visits)

Linguimericks, Schwimmericks, Book ७६. With Guest Editors Ross and Rachel. As we worship the gods of the schwas We dance in a circle round fires; We bring central vowel gifts, Whose sacrifice lifts Our chant (‘[ ə ], [ ə ], [ ə ]!’) to the stars —Carly C. Cairns, A versatile grapheme is ⟨E⟩ Flip ⟨E⟩ round and it means “There must be.” Little ⟨e⟩’s heard in “bait” see But rotate ⟨e⟩ one-eighty, And it’s stress-free and placed centrally —Emily Davis, The best monophthong—and by far— Is not [i], [y], [e], [ ɔ ], [ ɪ ] or [a:] But the ... [ more ]


11. Bilabial Angel of Mwah—The Phreeee-Phinkin’ Philosophers of Philologogia and The SpecGram Encyclopedia of Linguistic Deities (4 visits)

Bilabial Angel of Mwah. Presented by, The Phreeee-Phinkin’ Philosophers of Philologogia, and The SpecGram Encyclopedia of Linguistic Deities . Recent archaeological scrapings around and scrabblings about in the Western Desert of Chx’reeb, New Mexico, have literally unearthed further evidence of the much-discussed and highly controversial1 Bilabial Angel of Mwah, a spiritual figure who is purported to have played a central role in the development of ritual in and around the area of what is now New Mexico c.5654–5639 BCE. The trove2 contains some papyruses papyrae bits of papyrus in the recently deciphered Linear Vitamin C3 include songs, ... [ more ]


12. Vol CXCV, No 2 (3 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Volume CXCV, Number 2 Penultimate Issue Editor-in-Chief: Trey Jones; Executive Editors: Keith Slater, Mikael Thompson; Senior Editors: Jonathan Downie, Deak Kirkham, Vincent Fish; Contributing Editors: Pete Bleackley, Luca Dinu; Associate Editors: Yuval Wigderson, Daniel Swanson; Editorial Associates: Kenny Baclawski, Emily Davis, Gabriel Lanyi, Mark Mandel, Tel Monks; Comptroller General: Joey Whitford; All the Noise That’s Fit to Print; November 2025, ... [ more ]


13. The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics (3 visits)

The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics . For decades, Speculative Grammarian has been the premier scholarly journal featuring research in the neglected field of satirical linguistics—and now it is available in book form—both physical and electronic! We wish we were kidding,1 but no, seriously, we’ve published a large3 collection of SpecGram articles, along with just enough new material to force obsessive collectors and fans to buy it, regardless of the cost.4 From the Introduction: The past twenty-five years have witnessed many changes in linguistics, with major developments in linguistic theory, significant expansion ... [ more ]


14. Because You Can’t... (3 visits)

Because You Can’t Do Everything You Want for Your Favorite Linguist—Get Them a Copy of The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics . Give the gift that says, “I don’t really know what you want, my dear linguist, but I’m trying!”—The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics. We all want to make our loved ones happy—but that isn’t always possible. With linguists, it can be particularly difficult, because—let’s face it—linguists are a difficult bunch: they talk funny, they ask silly questions, and they get excited about the most ridiculous things. “Ooo! ... [ more ]


15. Merchandise (3 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Merchandise. Introduction. In order to lend a hand to our good friends and steadfast supporters over at the Linguist List during their 2006 fund drive, we prepared a small selection of limited edition SpecGram merchandise, including T-shirts, stickers and magnets. Originally these items were only available as prizes awarded as part of the Linguist List fund drive. In 2012, several of the SpecGram editors suffered from a rare form of collective frontal lobe damage, which made it seem like a good idea to put together a SpecGram book. The result in 2013 was The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics. In 2014, Editor Mikael Thompson entered a deep fugue ... [ more ]


16. A New Study of Linguistic Synesthesia—Ott Harfondle (3 visits)

A New Study of Linguistic Synesthesia. by Ott Harfondle, Independent Scholar1. Synesthesia is a peculiar psychological phenomenon in which one sensory stimulus causes a response of a different sense. A prototypical example of synesthesia is sensing color when hearing certain tones. Thus, the composer Sergei Rachmaninoff recalled an occasion when he and Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakoff encountered Alexander Scriabin, who associated colors with musical keys. To Rachmaninoff’s surprise, Rimsky-Korsakoff agreed with Scriabin in general, though they disagreed on several of the associations. The two agreed on the key of D major as yellow, but when Rachmaninoff expressed his disbelief, Rimsky-Korsakoff ... [ more ]


17. Linguimericks—Book ९९ (3 visits)

Linguimericks, Book ९९. I’ll ask ’er—Alaska. porthole—poor toll The waiter cut it—the way to cut it. On the golf course of linguistics Phonology does meet syntax. There’s no other way to putt it —Holy Nwon, my CKY EXE file’d be OK but it’s been late for a while to parse little v its big O’s ℵ3 I hope earley.c will compile —Andrew Lamont, Pozzo arrive, et il dit D’une voix si terrible, ‘Je suis Pozzo’. Je pense Que je ne suis pas le sens: Je ne suis pas, helas, si Lucky —Samuett Beckel, This essay I worked on all night Will be proof of my linguistic might. I know in my ... [ more ]


18. Spring’s Springiness Springs Springingly: Putting a SpecGrammy Spring in Your Linguistic Step This Spring—Spree Ng and B. D. Oing (3 visits)

Spring’s Springiness Springs Springingly: Putting a SpecGrammy Spring in Your Linguistic Step This Spring. By Curled Up Coiled Up Editors, Spree Ng and B. D. Oing. ‘Spring is here, sper-ring is here!’ warbled Tom Lehrer in one of his less repetitive lines.1 Now, quoting a Lehrer lyric at the start of an article is always good writing practice as the prose can then only get better. However, on this occasion, the specific choice of line leads directly into the theme of today’s editorial, which we shall now spring upon you: it’s Spring! Spring is indeed here; but spring has for millennia been amongst those of us who reckon ourselves the linguistic ... [ more ]


19. The Linguist Parallel Parking Challenge—Pjerpe N. D’Kular & Oldja Loppy (3 visits)

The Linguist Parallel Parking Challenge. Pjerpe N. D’Kular & Oldja Loppy, X. Quizzit Korps Center for Advanced Collaborative Studies. In an attempt to better understand the thought processes of expert linguists, scientists at the University of Shuffleboard set up a challenge of spatial and logical reasoning. Linguists from a variety of subfields were asked to parallel park a small white hatchback between two stationary articulated trucks. Results follow: Three phoneticians were hospitalized after spending four hours next to the exhaust trying to transcribe engine noise. Two Chomskyan linguists spent six hours arguing that parking was innate and so the ideal linguist would be able to do it easily. He looks a lot like ... [ more ]


20. Chickenese—A Grammatical Sketch—Damon Lord (3 visits)

Chickenese—A Grammatical Sketch. Damon Lord. Many linguists and animal psychologists have sought to discover if mankind is the sole species to have developed language. Recent experiments with chickens at Foxchester University, in Foxchester, England, have discovered that mankind is no longer alone. The language discovered has been dubbed Chickenese by linguists. All attempts to quantify grammar have failed; linguists believe Chickenese has little (if any) grammar. The current theory is that, due to the small size of the brain of the domesticated chicken and the limited vocabulary of the chicken species, thought processes are not developed enough to develop grammar, although repetition has been observed. ... [ more ] Podcast!


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Last updated Jan. 26, 2026.