SpecGram—Most Popular Pages

SPECULATIVE GRAMMARIAN, Volume CXCV, Number 3; February 2026, C HIEF C AT H ERDER &, A RBITER OF THE L AST W ORD, Trey Jones, O RDER OF THE, S PECULATIVE P SAMMETICOI, Keith Slater, Mikael Thompson, Tim Pulju, Bill Spruiell, Speculative Grammarian, Vol CXCV, No 3, H EAD OF L EARNING, L INGUISTICS T HROUGH, S ATIRE AND P UNS, Jonathan Downie, S YNTACTICO- P OET &, U NDER- E DITOR OF, U NDER- E DITING, Deak Kirkham, S ENIOR P UZZLING, T EST P ILOT, Vincent Fish, K EEPER OF THE, E DITORIAL T EA C ADDY, Pete Bleackley, A SSOCIATE D EPUTY, A SSISTANT S UB- M ANAGER, OF S ATIRICAL S UCCESS, Luca Dinu, O RTHOGRAPHER- A T- L ARGE, Daniel Swanson, D ILETTANTE E MERITUS, Tel ... [ more ]

Dimensional Feature Analysis of English Prepositions. CJ Quines. The missing preposition. Consider the three English prepositions in, on, and at. When we use these as spatial prepositions, we use them for referring to being located in a three-dimensional container, on a two-dimensional surface, or at a zero-dimensional point, respectively: The horse sleeps in the stable. The apple is on the table. Brian stood at the origin of the Cartesian plane. Missing from this paradigm is a preposition corresponding to one-dimensional locations. At first glance, we might believe that this function is also served by the preposition on, as in ... [ more ]

SpecGram Archives. A word from our Senior Archivist, Holger Delbrück: While bringing aging media to the web and hence the world is truly a labor of love, SpecGram tries the passion of even the most ardent admirer. Needless to say, we’ve fallen behind schedule. At every turn, the authors found in the pages of this hallowed journal stretch credibility with their gratuitous font mongering—first it was the IPA, then a few non-standard transcription systems, then Greek, and not just the alphabet, but the entire diacritical mess, and now I’ve got some god-forsaken Old Church Slavonic glyph sitting on my desk that no one can even name, and which would give the Unicode Consortium ... [ more ]

Speculative Grammarian Merchandise. Introduction. In order to lend a hand to our good friends and steadfast supporters over at the Linguist List during their 2006 fund drive, we prepared a small selection of limited edition SpecGram merchandise, including T-shirts, stickers and magnets. Originally these items were only available as prizes awarded as part of the Linguist List fund drive. In 2012, several of the SpecGram editors suffered from a rare form of collective frontal lobe damage, which made it seem like a good idea to put together a SpecGram book. The result in 2013 was The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics. In 2014, Editor Mikael Thompson entered a deep fugue ... [ more ]

Speculative Grammarian and SpecGram.com. Our Story. The august journal Speculative Grammarian has a long, rich, and varied history, weaving an intricate and subtle tapestry from disparate strands of linguistics, philology, history, politics, science, technology, botany, pharmacokinetics, computer science, the mathematics of humor, basket weaving, archery, glass blowing, roller coaster design, and bowling, among numerous other, less obvious fields. SpecGram, as it is known to devotees and sworn enemies alike, has for centuries sought to bring together the greatest yet least understood minds of the time, embedding itself firmly in the cultural and psychological matrix of the global society while ... [ more ]

Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, Part 3—Morphological Typology. Phineas Q. Phlogiston, Ph.D. Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn. No need for an introduction, it was covered in previous installments (on non-configurational languages and ergativity). Instead, let us proceed to the next chapter of our Cartoon Theories of Linguistics. I have provided the following cartoonish exegesis of morphological typology for your edification: ... Up next: Statistical Machine Translation. References, Baker, Mark. (1988). Incorporation: A theory of grammatical function changing. Baker, Mark. (1996). The polysynthesis parameter. Comrie, Bernard. (1989). Language universals and linguistic typology (2nd ... [ more ]

The SpecGram Ministry of Propaganda. Welcome to the SpecGram Ministry of Propaganda. The SpecGram Archive Elves™ have undertaken a project to digitize and share a sheaf of early 20th century SpecGram propaganda posters, which were used during the Great Linguistic War and the Second Linguistic War to encourage linguists everywhere to keep a stiff upper lip and a sense of humor during those trying times. We provide the digitized posters here for you to enjoy, retrospect on, and share. Select a poster to see a higher quality image, and for links to share on social media, to email friends, and to view or download the highest quality version of the image. ... Read SpecGram Every Month! ... [ more ]

How Many Languages Do You Speak?. Nate F. Spee-Curr & Nonné Divz Bīīqr, X. Quizzit Korps Center for Advanced Collaborative Studies. It’s an age-old question, and despite our field’s best efforts, it’s also one that won’t go away. So, instead of just complaining about the question, we decided to go out and find some actual answers. The results are provided below. Archiphonemicist: I speak |language|—that is, an appropriately underspecified version of all of them. Chomskyan: Universal Grammar shows that all languages are equivalent. Computational Linguist: There’s Basic, Fortran, Matlab, C++, VHDL, Java, Python, Javascript and, ... [ more ]

University News. New Etymology Proposed for Proto-Indo-European. by Ruthlessly Roving Reporter Miss Deakina Andrea Kirkhamia In what promises to be a groundbreaking research programme, the University of the Wilds of Scotland has proposed a new etymology for the putative ancestor of many of Europe’s and South Asia’s languages. Known as Proto-Indo-European (PIE), the choice of this term was originally considered to be a compound noun consisting of the Indo- first component and the European second component, prefixed with the Greek-derived proto- meaning ‘first’. Professor McDougal of UWOS believes instead that “the ... [ more ]

Bilge Ise Köpeğinden Bahseder. by Artemus Zebulon Pratt, Speculative Grammarian Editor-on-the-Lam. “Your money or your life.” My wife said, “Can we go now? Us two?” He looked them up and down, “Yeah.” “Why the dog?” I asked her. “He has publications, dear.” I shouted, “Come now, you know that Everything’s Edible If You Chew Hard Enough: A Dalmatian’s Daily Affirmations is hardly tenure fodder!” “It’s a publish-or-perish world, dear.” As they strode off I looked at the guy’s gun and said, “That might not work.” He snarled, “Why ... [ more ]

Folk Linguistics. The SpecGram Folklore Elves™. You’ve got to remember that these are just simple linguaphiles. These are people of “little-𝓁” language. The common clay of the new Word. You know... morons. — Dʒim, Blazing Syllables Unravel the charm of language with this delightful collection of folk linguistic aphorisms. From idiomatic quirks to linguistic wonders, explore the charming wisdom (or lack thereof) of the common folk as they offer alleged insight into the colorful tapestry of human communication as they (attempt to?) navigate the intricate maze of words and meaning. The most effective way to learn a language is immersion because sound travels ... [ more ]

De La SpecGrammatologie . A Letter to Future Historians of Satirical Linguistics, from the Editor-in-Chief, Trey “Jacquey D” Jones. Future SpecGrammologists will debate whether this period in the history of SpecGram is “Early Modern” or “Late Moron” or even “Proto-Interplanetary”—and whether we were titans or pipsqueaks, our scribblings impactful or inconsequential. They will undoubtedly furrow their collective brow as they attempt to decipher the opaque and recalcitrant tea leaves of some future tattered remains of the SpecGram archive and hazard ill-formed guesses at our true meaning and significance. ... [ more ]

Linguimericks & The Lingumerickocalypse, Book १०५. Though tempted I am to critique The French orthographic physique, When comparing with English I find naught to distinguish, So I’m saying they both have “mystique” —Roman C. S. Pelling, There truly is just a small touch Of irony, not very much, That the Teutonic sounds In Germany’s towns Aren’t called by the apt name of “Dutch” —Joost van Deutscher, Common Sense[i]s My Japanese Linguistics teacher told me, ‘Antonyms are pairs of lexemes with opposing senses; Lexeme A has sense A and lexeme B has sense not-A. Common sense, eh?’ As this definition opposed my senses, I asked, ‘Teacher, ... [ more ]

Sumer Is Icumen In: Setting the Agenda, Broadening the Appeal. By Our Middle English, Middle England, Fair-to-Middling (Occasionally Meddling) Mid-Middle-Editor, Mr M E Middle-English. Spring, sprang, sprung! Summer, simmer, sammer! Or something like that. At the very least, summer follows spring (not to mention spring’s preceding of summer). Anyhoo; spring has sprung and now summer is a-simmering. In short: summer is a-comin’ in! Now, I may not be the first to voice that view. If we glance, gaze, squint or indeed stare back into what is delightfully called Middle English poetry, we are met with, among many, many, many, many (many) read-worthy pieces, a dead cert for success ... [ more ]

SPECULATIVE GRAMMARIAN, —in association with—, PSAMMETICUS PRESS, —is proud to present a special supplemental monograph—, Volume CLIX, Number ι ; Mid-August 2010, Acquiring Isolation, The Peculiar Case of Ghwǘǜb. by Tashel M. Kaithe and, Valencia R. O’Shaughnessy. ... MANAGING EDITOR, Trey Jones, EDITOR EMERITUS, Tim Pulju, SENIOR EDITOR, Keith Slater, MONOGRAPH EDITOR, Bill Spruiell, ... [ more ]

SpecGammon, An Historical Appreciation. by Tab L. Gaîmes, Ph.D. Department of Ludic Studies, Tshessen Tshekirz University, Tshicago. For younger readers who missed out on the heyday of SpecGammon—before video games and consoles and the internet, when real people had to sit down together and play real games at a real table—this was once one of the most popular games in the world. I won’t go over all of the rules—which will be close to the hearts of readers of a certain age, and lost on the youth—but I will give you a taste of the flavor of the game. The playing pieces are known by many names in different regions, including drawls, tones, puns, ... [ more ]

ACADEMIC NEWS. NEW CONCORD, OH. (wire services) Academicians nationwide have turned their eyes on tiny Muskingum College here, awaiting the outcome of what could be the most significant contract negotiations in the history of education. Attention is centered on Muskingum Professor of English Alex Leonhardt—internationally known for his extensive work on reader-response criticism—who appears to have successfully argued that the clause “one guaranteed parking space in Lot F” may be interpreted to mean “fully-paid sabbatical leave every other year.” Administrators here and elsewhere are expressing concern that they may find it difficult to replace the huge percentage of ... [ more ]

SPECULATIVE GRAMMARIAN, Volume CLXV, Number 4; October 2012, MANAGING EDITOR Trey Jones SENIOR EDITOR Keith Slater EDITOR EMERITUS Tim Pulju Speculative Grammarian, Vol CLXV, No 4 CONSULTING EDITORS David J. Peterson Bill Spruiell, ASSOCIATE EDITORS Madalena Cruz-Ferreira Daniela Müller Mikael Thompson, EDITORIAL ASSOCIATES Cem Bozsahin Florian Breit Jonathan Downie Adam Graham Tel Monks Mary Pearce Callum Robson Mary Shapiro Sheri Wells-Jensen, COMPTROLLER GENERAL Joey Whitford Stop Voicing Now! ... [ more ]

Letters to the Editor. Dear Editors, I was very disappointed to see your article, “The Solution to Poor Pedantry is... More, Better Pedantry” from the Meta-Pedantry Association. Are you not aware that they are a radical nihilistic splinter group of the Γραμματο-Χαοτικον? Their generally unpublicized goal is to increase the density of meta-pedantry and other forms of so-called “self-folding pedantry” in order to create a pedantic singularity and potentially cause the collapse of the academic-pedantic continuum. I personally do not believe in the academic-pedantic continuum, nor that a singularity ... [ more ]

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