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SpecGram Archives. A word from our Senior Archivist, Holger Delbrück: While bringing aging media to the web and hence the world is truly a labor of love, SpecGram tries the passion of even the most ardent admirer. Needless to say, we’ve fallen behind schedule. At every turn, the authors found in the pages of this hallowed journal stretch credibility with their gratuitous font mongering—first it was the IPA, then a few non-standard transcription systems, then Greek, and not just the alphabet, but the entire diacritical mess, and now I’ve got some god-forsaken Old Church Slavonic glyph sitting on my desk that no one can even name, and which would give the Unicode Consortium ... [ more ]

Speculative Grammarian Merchandise. Introduction. In order to lend a hand to our good friends and steadfast supporters over at the Linguist List during their 2006 fund drive, we prepared a small selection of limited edition SpecGram merchandise, including T-shirts, stickers and magnets. Originally these items were only available as prizes awarded as part of the Linguist List fund drive. In 2012, several of the SpecGram editors suffered from a rare form of collective frontal lobe damage, which made it seem like a good idea to put together a SpecGram book. The result in 2013 was The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics. In 2014, Editor Mikael Thompson entered a deep fugue ... [ more ]

SPECULATIVE GRAMMARIAN, Volume CLXV, Number 4; October 2012, MANAGING EDITOR Trey Jones SENIOR EDITOR Keith Slater EDITOR EMERITUS Tim Pulju Speculative Grammarian, Vol CLXV, No 4 CONSULTING EDITORS David J. Peterson Bill Spruiell, ASSOCIATE EDITORS Madalena Cruz-Ferreira Daniela Müller Mikael Thompson, EDITORIAL ASSOCIATES Cem Bozsahin Florian Breit Jonathan Downie Adam Graham Tel Monks Mary Pearce Callum Robson Mary Shapiro Sheri Wells-Jensen, COMPTROLLER GENERAL Joey Whitford Stop Voicing Now! ... [ more ]

The SpecGram Ministry of Propaganda. Welcome to the SpecGram Ministry of Propaganda. The SpecGram Archive Elves™ have undertaken a project to digitize and share a sheaf of early 20th century SpecGram propaganda posters, which were used during the Great Linguistic War and the Second Linguistic War to encourage linguists everywhere to keep a stiff upper lip and a sense of humor during those trying times. We provide the digitized posters here for you to enjoy, retrospect on, and share. Select a poster to see a higher quality image, and for links to share on social media, to email friends, and to view or download the highest quality version of the image. ... Read SpecGram Every Month! ... [ more ]

ADVERTISEMENT Seeking Part-Time Tea Person / Interactional Linguist. The Catterton Left-Handed Institute of Linguistics seeks a part-time tea person/interactional linguist. The successful candidate will possess a PhD in a relevant field with at least three publications in 4-star journals alongside which s/he will have not fewer than 5-years tea-making and serving experience (in academia or beyond). The role is 0.6 FTE and requires membership in the Yorkshire Federation of Teapersonages, with which the appointee is expected to engage by making a presentation on the role of tea in academia on at least one occasion, and teaching the module LX3900 “Why, when and how people say er in ... [ more ]

Linguomogy. By Tiberius Bertrom, Ph.D. The Academy of Northwestern State University College and Technical Institute. In 1994, the morphologist Mark Aronoff introduced us to the concept of the morphome, which might be defined as follows: morphome (n.) a unit of linguistic representation known only to the morphologist The introduction of this theoretical construct by Aronoff can (and should) be seen as a challenge to the rest of our discipline. The explanatory power and necessity of the morphome to the linguistic subfield of morphology can no longer be questioned,¹ so as researchers, we are left with a series of interesting questions: What is the theoretical equivalent of the morphome in syntax? Semantics? ... [ more ]

The Texas World Cultural Festival and Poetry Recitation Competition. Damian Grammatical, Radio Highbrow Culture Correspondent. Grammatical: I’m Damian Grammatical, Radio Highbrow’s Culture Correspondent based in Austin, Texas. On Saturday, the 18^th of October, 2014, the Texas World Cultural Festival and Poetry Recitation Competition was held in Corsicana, Texas. The day began with the “Not Square But Just as Interesting” ethnic dance exhibition, which featured such dances as the Viennese waltz and the Argentine tango. Onlooker Hieronymus Aloysius Neff of Paducah expressed his surprise and delight. Hieronymus: It was amazing seeing dances with more than two steps. ... [ more ]

From the Editors. Spring is in the air. Just as new life bursts forth outside our office windows, so do new ideas explode in the brains of our contributors. Among the exciting new fields being explored in this issue are child language studies, sociolinguistics, and Finno-Ugrian. You won’t find these in any of the so-called “major” journals. Even better (as usual) are the articles by Tim Pulju and Keith Slater. We are also extremely pleased with the excellent work of our field correspondent in Eastern Europe, G. D. Duvkal, the first Western linguist to report on recent developments in a really weird Czech dialect. All in all, Vol. XVI, No. 3 is truly noteworthy. Unfortunately, there is no cartoon from ... [ more ]

Speculative Grammarian Youth Research Focus is proud to bring you the finest language-related research by the world’s school-aged youth. Grey Duck or Goose?, Mapping variation in a children’s game in Minnesota. Fifth Grade Science Fair Project, by Sven Slater and Ollie Bickford, J. O. Nelson Public School, St. Cloud, Minnesota, USA. Research Question. Last year, a new kid named Tyler P. joined our fourth grade class. Tyler was from Illinois or some other southern state, and she told us that down there kids play “duck, duck, goose,” instead of “duck, duck, grey duck” like we do here in Minnesota. We thought this was strange, even for the South, but then we ... [ more ]

A Literary Linguistic Analysis of The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Papili O’Noidea. Eric Carle’s delightful opus The Very Hungry Caterpillar has enchanted children for generations but has rarely been the subject of serious academic analysis. This article will repair this lacuna by showing how a stylistic account uncovers layers of hitherto occluded meanings. Prior Readings. Scholars have long suspected there was more to this tale than simple children’s entertainment. While the most recent studies have very much read the piece as an environmental tale—with E. Cologist (2019) locating it in the geo-hermeneutic critique of conspicuous consumption and Green & Pace (2017) ... [ more ]

Letters to the Editor. To the editor(s) whom it may concern: While I take issue with Rhodes’ original Tame/Wild scale, as well as Bangzerrungen’s (aptly labelled) “Wild Extrapolation of Rhodes’ Tame/Wild Scale” I did enjoy Rhodes’ very close transcription of “wild” onomatopoeia as cited by Bangzerrungen. One of the things I love about the IPA is that it is almost a schematic recording of sound—largely as it was intended to be. I was explaining this fact to my (very patient) husband. I worked out [ʔm̰ɨ̰̃ː˥˦˥], and he was impressed—it is better than any cow imitation I’ve ever ... [ more ]

The SpecGram Linguistic Advice Collective. Are you in a world of linguistic hurt? The SpecGram Linguistic Advice Collective (SLAC) will offer you empirical, empathic, emphatic advice you can use!^* ... Remember, if you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, then you don’t need advice! So, if you need advice, trust us—and cut yourself some SLAC! ... Dear SLAC, I have always been passionate about theoretical linguistics, especially Whorfian philosophies and post-colonial phonotactics, but my friends and family want me to pursue something that might get me a job, like Economics or Translation Studies? What should I do? —N. Doubt ... Dear Not ... [ more ]

Anti-Rhetoric. A Critical Methodology for Critically Assessing Critical Thinking. Rhetoric, as the art of persuasion, has a long and none-too-honorable history. Silly or stupid ideas, couched in the right language, may sway—and in many cases have swayed—the uncritical thinker. Anti-rhetoric is a method for assessing a listener’s susceptibility to rhetorical suasion. The technique itself is simple, yet powerful. Present two sides of a lopsided argument in a counter-lopsided way—using the full complement of rhetorical tricks to prop up the untenable position, while burdening the obviously logical position with the antithesis of each rhetorical device ... [ more ]

Writing a Fieldwork Dissertation. Kai Tak Suvarnabhumi, Independent Scholar. Fieldwork is an age-old tradition in Linguistics, and the fieldwork dissertation is, too, dating back at least to the age of Boas. While there is much to celebrate in this tradition—especially the very fact of its resurgence since the mid-1990s—there remain certain intractable problems which we, as linguists, have failed to address systematically. One of these problems, of course, is the lack of clear, systematic guidance for the novitiate in the realm of producing an acceptable doctoral screed. Though this brief article admittedly falls far short of the complete treatise that is needed, I promise to expand ... [ more ]

Shakespeare, Greeks and Dogs, Oh My!. A Letter from Contributing Editor Jonathan Downie, in association with, The Δίς Λεγόμενον Center for Endeepened Ideation. It has been said that this journal does not reflect the variety or vivacity of contemporary linguistics. Regular readers (hello to both of you!) may remark that certain subfields have been left fallow. Certainly, it is true that the Chomskyan programme has been subject to repeated satirical lunges while other theoretical catacombs have been left unexplored. No more! This issue is replete with at least one piece that deigns to dignify the more referential corners of linguistics. It stares into ... [ more ]

Psammeticus Press, www.specgram.com/psammeticuspress/, NEW BOOK Linguistic Deskwork, by H.D. Onesimus, Published 2004. Hardcover, 354 pages. Price: $149.95 Since the so-called 'discovery' of endangered languages, much breathless attention in linguistics has been devoted to the topic of methods for linguistic fieldwork. So much breathless attention, in fact, that our field is in danger of losing its foundational and most critical resource: the linguistic deskworker. The present volume seeks to avert this catastrophic result. Data is meant to be analyzed--mined, as it were, for its deep and hidden treasures. Much of today's data-gathering is thumbnail deep, at best, and the resulting ... [ more ]

JOB ADVERTISEMENT Pragmatic Scientist. Defence Science and Technology Laboratory (dstl) Level 5–7; Perth, Scotland Job Description We require one or more dstl Level 5–7 Pragmatic Scientists to join our Cognitive Combat Systems programme (CoCS) at the dstl/FCO joint Rapid Lexical Sememe Collider facility in Perth, Scotland. The role exists within the Weaponised Pragmatics Team S (WePraT-S), who have recently made a breakthrough in the isolation of individual Pragmions from larger Pragmemes. The successful candidate will support the team in various projects working on the enrichment of extracted Pragmions and synthesis of hypothetical Superpragmemes from Pragmions, Raciarks and Denyitdron, as well as carrying ... [ more ]

A Review of Wailin’ Jennings’ Mommas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Linguists . by Praenomen Gentilicium Cognomen, Esq.. Well-known kʌn.trɪ.n.wɛs.tʌrn star Wailin’ Jennings—son of famed rhotacism and blues crooner Moanin’ Jennings and grandson of beloved buggie-wuggie icon Hollerin’ Jennings—has released a groundbreaking new album. This, his tenth album in a twenty-three year career, is poised to become his artistically and stylistically most successful effort yet. Jennings has masterfully blended studio phonology, live morphology, and engineered syntax to create some of the slickest music ever made, without ... [ more ]

Survey of Linguistic Evidence of Meta-Consciousness in Tier-19 Terran Primates, presented by, Cëŏjpruustcrêrt êe Âgriüsturttâiy, Fuördrêostsklanöukklėû Růŕskramnnuũrgciwä, Departmental Encephallus, and, the coherent bio-voltaic after-image of, Ëø Daerl stiic Uasŝăź swerz Ê, Encephallus Emeritus (deceased), The Department of Biolinguistics of Sub-Sentient Species, Qomnliscrëvuelzaern University, Planet Skeushiōrbprăisxẽqnaŏ Gløŏňuăthphêimbal Cluster, Žæaẘstaowhiethæoyalt Galaxy, Presented at the ... [ more ]

ADVERTISEMENT The Greater Lansing Linguistics Association. presents, the second in our series of panel discussions, on the lives and work of influential linguists, This session’s topic: “NOAM CHOMSKY: MAN OR MYTH?”. Following the success of our earlier forum, “Sydney: Lamb or Lorikeet?” we present a discussion of one of the most interesting issues in linguistics today. The 1987 publication of Dr. Hugo Hackenbush’s revolutionary work, Noam is Not!, has precipitated a bitter academic controversy. On one side stand the Old Guard, defenders of the traditional viewpoint that Noam Chomsky is a professor of linguistics at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and founder of modern ... [ more ]

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