SpecGram—Most Popular Pages

Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, Part E—Phonetics vs. Phonology. Hilário Parenchyma, C.Phil. Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn. We will skip the introduction, as we have been there, done that. Once more into the breach! For this installment in our series on Cartoon Theories of Linguistics, we will turn our attention to Phonetics and Phonology and the difference between the two: Phonetics:, ... Phonology:, ... Thanks to Professor Phlogiston, of the Unintentional University of Lghtnbrgstn, for the opportunity of a lifetime, as a student, to, on this occasion, share with so many of my fellow linguisticians my views, as illustrated above, concerning matters, which are of such immeasurable import ... [ more ]

How To Get A Ph.D. Without Really Trying. (And Maybe Even Get A Date In The Process). By Dr. Wolf Kitty, B.S. Ph.D.. Pick your field carefully. Do not go into mathematics. Do not choose a science, such as physics. These fields have objective standards by which your lack of contribution can be measured. Do not choose a liberal art, such as literary criticism. Here the standards are wholly and unashamedly subjective, which means that you will have to read a lot in order to find out what other people think, and then write a lot to show that what you think is exactly like what they think, only different. In the absence of objectivity, all that really matters is what your advisor thinks; so why bother with all the reading ... [ more ]

SpecGram Archives. A word from our Senior Archivist, Holger Delbrück: While bringing aging media to the web and hence the world is truly a labor of love, SpecGram tries the passion of even the most ardent admirer. Needless to say, we’ve fallen behind schedule. At every turn, the authors found in the pages of this hallowed journal stretch credibility with their gratuitous font mongering—first it was the IPA, then a few non-standard transcription systems, then Greek, and not just the alphabet, but the entire diacritical mess, and now I’ve got some god-forsaken Old Church Slavonic glyph sitting on my desk that no one can even name, and which would give the Unicode Consortium ... [ more ]

The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics . For decades, Speculative Grammarian has been the premier scholarly journal featuring research in the neglected field of satirical linguistics—and now it is available in book form—both physical and electronic! We wish we were kidding,¹ but no, seriously, we’ve published a large³ collection of SpecGram articles, along with just enough new material to force obsessive collectors and fans to buy it, regardless of the cost.⁴ From the Introduction: The past twenty-five years have witnessed many changes in linguistics, with major developments in linguistic theory, significant expansion ... [ more ]

— http://SpecGram.com/PaniniPress Welcome to the online home of Panini Press, an academic publishing house formerly dedicated to the proposition that Linguistics is the noblest of the academic fields, but now with a focus on Subjects of more relevance to the Working Linguist’s everyday life and career. ❦पा Important announcements from Panini Press: ❧ Word Problems for Linguists (November 2025): Linguists, we here at Panini Press know you thought that you’d never again have to do anything more mathematically complicated than figure out the tip on your dinner bill. However, the real world often has other plans, so, for your own good, Dr. Barbara Millicent Roberts’s new book, Word ... [ more ]

Chickenese—A Grammatical Sketch. Damon Lord. Many linguists and animal psychologists have sought to discover if mankind is the sole species to have developed language. Recent experiments with chickens at Foxchester University, in Foxchester, England, have discovered that mankind is no longer alone. The language discovered has been dubbed Chickenese by linguists. All attempts to quantify grammar have failed; linguists believe Chickenese has little (if any) grammar. The current theory is that, due to the small size of the brain of the domesticated chicken and the limited vocabulary of the chicken species, thought processes are not developed enough to develop grammar, although repetition has been observed. ... [ more ]

Psammeticus Press www.specgram.com/psammeticuspress/, BOOKS, SERIES, and MORE The following valuable volumes, spectacular series, and interesting items have been released with pride by Psammeticus Press, an academic publishing house founded in honor of the first and purest of linguistic inquirers: one might criticize his methods, but who could quibble with his results? Follow the links below to learn more about these fabulous books and excellent series, each destined to become a classic in the field. Warehouse Moving Sale We’ve lost the lease on our warehouse and anything we can’t sell we have to move—or rent interns from Speculative Grammarian to do it—and that’s expensive! Help us out and buy a ... [ more ]

Pseudo-Psiblings™ And Other Views of Multiply-Blended Families. A proposal for improving and clarifying family nomenclature for the 21st century. by Trey Jones. Introduction. Language evolves—otherwise we’d all be able to read Beowulf in the original, right? Sometimes language changes in response to cultural changes. But sometimes it doesn’t change fast enough to keep up with cultural changes. This paper seeks to give English a little push in a much-needed direction. There has been a fairly radical change in Western society in the last hundred years or so. It used to be that if a woman was on her fourth husband, one automatically felt a little sorry for ... [ more ]

ODE TO ALCUIN. ALCUIN, O ALCUIN, YOU RENAIS-, SANCE-Y CAROLINGIAN BASTARD, YOU HAVE GONE AND NEARLY DOUBLED, THE COUNT OF LETTERS TO BE MASTERED. FIRST AND SECOND GRADERS ALL OVER, SHOULD REVILE YOUR WICKED NAME; EVEN THEY KNOW THAT BIG AND LITTLE , LETTERS SHOULD REALLY LOOK THE SAME. A PAN-EUROPEAN ALPHABET , WAS ONCE PERHAPS A POSSIBILITY, BUT NOW WITH β, b, AND в, IT QUITE CLEARLY CANNOT COME TO B. THE DREAM OF THAT SINGLE SCRIPT IS, NO MORE, A PARADISE WISHED, BUT LOST; MERE DUST AND ASHES, THE FOOD OF WORMS, , BLOOMS SLAIN, BY YOUR MINUSCULE FROST. O ALCUIN, YOU “LOVER OF WISDOM”, FULL OF PIETY, HUMBLE AND MEEK, I BLAME YOU FOR StUdLy CaPs, AND , CamelCase, AND WORDS TOO l33t TO ... [ more ]

The Boustrophedon-Plummerfeld Hypothesis, and Futurological Linguistics. Recently I found myself "fortunate enough to find such occasion" (Pyles & Algeo, P.46) as to weasel the word boustrophedon into a conversation. After having expounded on the many joyous properties of this word, I entreated my fellow conversational participant to remember the word, and attempt to become one of those few and proud who have used it casually in non-academia. In a subsequent discourse with my native English speaking informant, I asked her to recall the illustrious word. Her response was plummerfeld. After a brief laugh at her misrecollection, we considered its cause. This issue has taken up much of my thought and time, and I have ... [ more ]

Speculative Grammarian and SpecGram.com. Our Story. The august journal Speculative Grammarian has a long, rich, and varied history, weaving an intricate and subtle tapestry from disparate strands of linguistics, philology, history, politics, science, technology, botany, pharmacokinetics, computer science, the mathematics of humor, basket weaving, archery, glass blowing, roller coaster design, and bowling, among numerous other, less obvious fields. SpecGram, as it is known to devotees and sworn enemies alike, has for centuries sought to bring together the greatest yet least understood minds of the time, embedding itself firmly in the cultural and psychological matrix of the global society while ... [ more ]

PAID ADVERTISEMENT Plagiarism Uncovered in SpecGram Pages. The Linguistic Inquirer. Pursuant to the terms of the pre-litigious resolution of Grammar Entelechy v. Speculative Grammarian¹ the editors of SpecGram have recently disclosed the truth about the academically distasteful practices by which the allegedly “esteemed”² journal foists its linguistic and paralinguistic agenda on the profession. Of particular concern is Speculative Grammarian³’s long-running, recurring, and well-documented theme that languages, dialects, and grammars can be or become degenerate.^{4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, ...} [ more ]

“Interpretez seront les extipices”, On the Correct Interpretation of Nostradamus, Part the Third. by Roger Prentiss Claremont, ~~Independent~~ Sovereign Scholar. In Parts the First and Second of this series, we discussed the basis of our new interpretation of the prophetic verses of Michel de Nostredame (1503-1566), usually known as Nostradamus. His verses have eluded definitive interpretation for several centuries, and this series shows that that is because earlier interpretations made the basic error of assuming his verses were in French. In fact, they are better interpreted as English encoded in French. This part shall complete the task of interpretation of selected verses, after which we shall turn ... [ more ]

PAID ADVERTISEMENT — http://SpecGram.com/PaniniPress Bestsellers of 2018 At Panini Press, we continue to be Committed to the life and career of the Working Linguist—but All Work and No Play makes Jack a Dull Vowel. For your Amusement and Edification, we collect here the Bestselling Fiction and Non-Fiction Books of 2018, from Panini Press. All are now available at Fine Book Retailers world-wide.❦पा Literature and Fiction The Alphabetist (25th Anniversary Edition), by Paulo Coelocutio Mesolect and Holonymy, by Rupi Kauser Where the Cardinal Vowels Sing, by Deliberativa Owens Nine Perfective Strong Verbs, by Liane Mirativity A Curve in the ... [ more ]

PAID ADVERTISEMENT — http://SpecGram.com/PaniniPress New from Panini Press: Even More Sprachgeist Guides for the Linguist on the Go! As any linguist knows, it’s useful—and sometimes vital—to get an accurate picture of a language you’re not a specialist in, and to do it quickly. Unfortunately, up to now, doing so has involved trying to plow through reference grammars, and we all know the problems with those! You can cut through all that and get all the really important information about a language—its Sprachgeist, if you will—with a volume from ... [ more ]

Current Issues in Gastronomy. Elan Dresher and Norbert Hornstein. The mounting rumours that the noted linguist James D. McCawley has written an annotated translation of a Japanese cookbook on oriental cuisine have proven to be well founded. A usually consistent informant has brought it to our attention that a major American publisher is preparing the final galleys, and the author’s students and friends are already hailing it as an “underground classic”. The layman will find much that is new and provocative in this book—for example, the author’s unorthodox theory that all cooking must be done in one pot and that all spices must be present in the pot from the very beginning. However, ... [ more ]

Mix & Match #. by Max & Mitch Ninelette. The goal of this Mix & Match puzzle is to reconstitute a set of nine 9-letter words that have each had two quadgrams removed. Below are two separate puzzles. Each includes a table to fill out and a set of quadgrams with which to fill it up. Using each quadgram once, fill the blanks in the table to form various nine-letter words. When you are done, three additional words will be revealed in the vertical direction for each puzzle. If you think you’ve figured out all the answers—that’s 24 nine-letter words!—submit your solution to the editors of SpecGram by January 15, 2020, and you could win a prize. Solutions and winners will ... [ more ]

PAID ADVERTISEMENT — http://SpecGram.com/PaniniPress New from Panini Press: Sprachgeist Guides for the Linguist on the Go!— Part IV As any linguist knows, it’s useful—and sometimes vital—to get an accurate picture of a language you’re not a specialist in, and to do it quickly. Unfortunately, up to now, doing so has involved trying to plow through reference grammars, and we all know the problems with those! You can cut through all that and get all the really important information about a language—its Sprachgeist, if you will—with a volume from Panini Press’s continuing series! ❦पा — Available ... [ more ]

A Love/Hate Relationship: Pesky Antonyms. Jessie Sams, Stephen F. Austin State University. When students get to college, the majority of them have never thought about antonyms as being anything more than “opposites.” So big is the opposite of small, just like buyer is the opposite of seller. Then, all of a sudden, students are forced into a linguistics course with a professor who tells them that they have to learn to differentiate among different types of antonyms. Student’s minds are nearly exploding with information as they have to learn definitions of terms like ‘converse’ and ‘gradable’ and ‘complementary’ in the world of ... [ more ]

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