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1. Archives (24 visits)

SpecGram Archives. A word from our Senior Archivist, Holger Delbrück: While bringing aging media to the web and hence the world is truly a labor of love, SpecGram tries the passion of even the most ardent admirer. Needless to say, we’ve fallen behind schedule. At every turn, the authors found in the pages of this hallowed journal stretch credibility with their gratuitous font mongering—first it was the IPA, then a few non-standard transcription systems, then Greek, and not just the alphabet, but the entire diacritical mess, and now I’ve got some god-forsaken Old Church Slavonic glyph sitting on my desk that no one can even name, and which would give the Unicode Consortium ... [ more ]


2. Merchandise (24 visits)

Speculative Grammarian Merchandise. Introduction. In order to lend a hand to our good friends and steadfast supporters over at the Linguist List during their 2006 fund drive, we prepared a small selection of limited edition SpecGram merchandise, including T-shirts, stickers and magnets. Originally these items were only available as prizes awarded as part of the Linguist List fund drive. In 2012, several of the SpecGram editors suffered from a rare form of collective frontal lobe damage, which made it seem like a good idea to put together a SpecGram book. The result in 2013 was The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics. In 2014, Editor Mikael Thompson entered a deep fugue ... [ more ]


3. Ministry of Propaganda (23 visits)

The SpecGram Ministry of Propaganda. Welcome to the SpecGram Ministry of Propaganda. The SpecGram Archive Elves™ have undertaken a project to digitize and share a sheaf of early 20th century SpecGram propaganda posters, which were used during the Great Linguistic War and the Second Linguistic War to encourage linguists everywhere to keep a stiff upper lip and a sense of humor during those trying times. We provide the digitized posters here for you to enjoy, retrospect on, and share. Select a poster to see a higher quality image, and for links to share on social media, to email friends, and to view or download the highest quality version of the image. ... Read SpecGram Every Month! ... [ more ]


4. Vol CLXV, No 4 (12 visits)

SPECULATIVE GRAMMARIAN, Volume CLXV, Number 4; October 2012, MANAGING EDITOR Trey Jones SENIOR EDITOR Keith Slater EDITOR EMERITUS Tim Pulju Speculative Grammarian, Vol CLXV, No 4 CONSULTING EDITORS David J. Peterson Bill Spruiell, ASSOCIATE EDITORS Madalena Cruz-Ferreira Daniela Müller Mikael Thompson, EDITORIAL ASSOCIATES Cem Bozsahin Florian Breit Jonathan Downie Adam Graham Tel Monks Mary Pearce Callum Robson Mary Shapiro Sheri Wells-Jensen, COMPTROLLER GENERAL Joey Whitford Stop Voicing Now! ... [ more ]


5. A Venery of Terms—Part III—Collective Nouns for Linguists—X. Altaysh & Uvlarr Ksss (9 visits)

A Venery of Terms— Part III, Collective Nouns for Linguists. X. Altaysh & Uvlarr Ksss, X. Quizzit Korps Center for Advanced Collaborative Studies. Of course one may refer to a group of linguists as “a group of linguists” but then one clearly misses out on the subtle distinctions between kinds of linguists, and the generic joy of collective nouns—a topic in which humans take all too keen an interest. Gaggle is probably never entirely amiss when referring to an excess of linguists (generally held by civilized folk as more than three in any one location; perhaps four if the host is generous and the ventilation is adequate). Finer distinctions and greater euphony are to be had ... [ more ]


6. The SpecGram Linguistic Advice Collective (9 visits)

The SpecGram Linguistic Advice Collective. ... Are you in a world of linguistic hurt? The SpecGram Linguistic Advice Collective (SLAC) will offer you empirical, empathic, emphatic advice you can use!* Remember, if you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, then you don’t need advice! So, if you need advice, trust us—and cut yourself some SLAC! ... Dear SLAC, Every time I say a word containing the vowel [æ], my 7-year-old daughter “corrects” it to [a:]. What can I do? I don’t want her growing up a prescriptivist! Yours a-frontedly —Displaced Læncæstriæn ... Dear Displaced, That’s not even ... [ more ]


7. Re: Choose Your Own Career in Linguistics—A Letter to the Editor—H I A W Papi, D. Litt, M. Phil (Oxon.), Ph. D. (Oxon.) (9 visits)

Re: Choose Your Own Career in Linguistics. A Letter to the Editor. The Editor, SpecGaram1 Sir,2 Readers should note that the article—Choose Your Own Career in Linguistics in SpecGram CL.α—despite appearances—is not a game, or a mere interactive text adventure! It is a highly sophisticated applied expert system, diligent use of which will enable the user to simulate the actualities at very little personal cost but time. Yet experiencing all of its tracks—albeit virtually rather than in actuality, be it said—will provide the participant with a wonderful, exhilarating experience that may ... [ more ]


8. How to Reply to Meaningless Conversational Openers: Authenticity Without Impoliteness—A Linguistic Approach—Ian P. Lightness, N. Auden, T. Szitty (8 visits)

How to Reply to Meaningless Conversational Openers: Authenticity Without Impoliteness— A Linguistic Approach. Ian P. Lightness, N. Auden, T. Szitty. Astute and regular readers of SpecGram1 will remember a recent report on the banning of the ostensibly harmless conversation opener How are you? in three whole counties of the UK. The report ricocheted around the internet over four times, causing consternation, conversation, and chatter across five continents large swathes of the economy several mountainous regions two sub-sub-editors. While in the end the rest of the world did not follow the lead of Wildonshire, Detshire, and Shireshire, it was widely ... [ more ]


9. Quipley’s Don’t Believe It! ... Or Do? (8 visits)

Quipley’s Don’t Believe It! ... Or Do? Years ago, so he claims, Frank Quipley managed to decipher a certain ceremonial language Down Under without going through that other ritual that they do, um, ... down under. Is history about to repeat, or rather, peat itself? Quipley’s newly discovered language has only fifteen words, an amazingly small number even among minimalist conlangers. Yet the combinatorial expressive potential of this language is further constrained by its highly restrictive grammar. Specifically, there are only two classes of grammatical sentences: S: Det N, and S: V. Quipley reports that the obligatory determiner corresponds to a positive integer no greater than seven, speculating that the ... [ more ]


10. Þe ⟨ð⟩-er ⟨þ⟩-y Question—Þeedles Þ’Þee (8 visits)

Þe ⟨ð⟩-er ⟨þ⟩-y Question. Þeedles Þ’Þee. I dislike digraphs, this much is true I can’t stand an ⟨ei⟩ or an ⟨ai⟩ or a ⟨ou⟩ And don’t get me started on ⟨sh⟩ my friend; And as for ⟨ch⟩ it drives me round the bend. But there is one digraph I’ll tolerate And might even stretch to calling it ‘mate’ It’s ⟨t⟩ plus ⟨h⟩ in that great combination: Yes, ⟨th⟩’s an acceptable digraphication. ‘Why do you like it?’ I hear you ask. Because it accomplished the noble task Of replacing two letters which, ... [ more ]


11. Cultural Grammaticalization—Sam Shovel (8 visits)

Cultural Grammaticalization. Notes from the Field. by Sam Shovel It has been nearly two years since I first "agreed" to take this assignment. My SpecGram editor, Butch "Kamikaze Linguist" McBastard asked me one day, in an offhand way, "Hey, Shovel, you think there might be such a thing as 'Cultural Grammaticalization'?" It seemed so off-the-cuff, so unrehearsed, I felt safe in replying: "Yeah, maybe." I would later learn that the McBastard makes no innocent statements, no impromptu pronouncements, no chit-chat, and no small talk. But at the time I was green, and my only colorless clue was his mumbled response: "Hmm. Hmmmmm. Uh-huh." I had no idea what was in store for me, though I slept ... [ more ]


12. Letters to the Editor (CLXXIV.3) (8 visits)

Letters to the Editor. To whom it may concern, Your recent discussion of a book entitled New Bird Guide Based on Sound Principles of Contemporary Anglo-American Analytic Theories of Knowledge Acquisition, in which “each bird was illustrated by 175 color photographs taken from a number of angles under a variety of viewing conditions,” was of particular interest to me. As a specialist in ornithography and a dabbler in the emerging field of ornithographography, I was struck by the similarity to recent birding guides by one Richard Crossley. Who has inspired, or plagiarized, whom? I plan to address this question in my upcoming dissertation, tentatively entitled “Ornithophilology and ... [ more ]


13. So That Explains It!—A Letter from the Managing Editor (8 visits)

So That Explains It!. A Letter from the Managing Editor. In this issue you will find, along with our usual collection of high-quality articles, a high-quality meta-article from vonn Güügënschnëchtën and d'Qi that does a pretty good job of explaining at least one reason why Speculative Grammarian articles are usually of such high quality. And here our detractors have been ... saying things like our editors and reviewers are just too lazy to publish a boring forty page article on syntax, and that we make half of our articles up out of thin air. Ha! Also of great interest to language purists of every ilk, an announcement from the newly formed Original English Movement is sure to shake up ... [ more ]


14. The Linguistic Singularity and the Linguistic Multiverse—Mikio Chachu (7 visits)

The Linguistic Singularity and the Linguistic Multiverse. by Mikio Chachu, New City University of York. The tripe piles higher and deeper in the pages of SpecGram, a journal I once respected, as so-called “linguophysicists” barely worthy enough to utter the name of our noble profession spew out wholly inappropriate and wildly unsupported theories of Big Linguistic Crunches, Rips, Freezes, and Bounces. While the immature pretenders to cosmolinguistics paddle around in the shallow end, the true deep thinkers have deeply pondered the deep future. Their deep conclusions are deeply profound. As the fate of any one language has little bearing on the ultimate fate of the linguoverse, similarly the fate of any one ... [ more ] Podcast!


15. The Dog Days of Summer: A Letter from the Nordic Editor—Rötmånad Mätäkuu (7 visits)

The Dog Days of Summer. A Letter from the Nordic Editor, Rötmånad Mätäkuu. Welcome to the time of year when the seas boil, wine turns sour, dogs grow mad, and all creatures become languid, causing to man burning fevers, hysterics, and phrensies. Here in the Nordic countries, where we all speak English better (and with notably classier accents) than most so-called “native” speakers from North America, linguists fight off the heat-induced phrensies of the rotting months with a tall, cool glass of iced gløgg, and a refreshing, cool new issue of Speculative Grammarian. SpecGram is one of the most useful linguistics journals around at the hot, moist end of summer: you ... [ more ] Podcast!


16. Letters to the Editor (CLV.3) (6 visits)

Letters to the Editor. Hello People, I am not a scientist of any sort, but have been looking to see if there has been a study on the memory phenomenon of instantly forgetting a name when one is introduced. I have been listening for some time to many people of all ages saying that they forget a name when introduced, “as though it went in one ear & out the other”. Why do humans so consistently ‘dump’ a name from memory this way? Could you please tell me if you know of any such study? If there isn’t, it might be interesting to do one. I enjoyed reading about the woman naming her offspring in sequences to get at the right one, and how that was structured to save space. Very interesting. Thank you for your ... [ more ]


17. JLSSCNC—Conversations with the Arch-Linguist (Part 1)—Jim Brentley (5 visits)

Conversations with the Arch-Linguist. Part One in a Series by Jim Brentley. Note from the Editors: This is the first report from our newly-chartered bureau of investigative reporting, which will, from time to time, supply us with items of linguistic interest which they didn’t want you to know. Assuming, of course, that Jim Brentley is not killed in the line of duty, which is actually quite likely. Note from the Author: I feel a duty to discourage you readers from trying this kind of stuff on your own. You’re likely to get killed, or worse even. The political forces involved in the international linguistic espionage community are always watching and listening, so watch your butt, because on ... [ more ]


18. Vol CXCV, No 3 (5 visits)

SPECULATIVE GRAMMARIAN, Volume CXCV, Number 3; February 2026, C HIEF C AT H ERDER &, A RBITER OF THE L AST W ORD, Trey Jones, O RDER OF THE, S PECULATIVE P SAMMETICOI, Keith Slater, Mikael Thompson, Tim Pulju, Bill Spruiell, Speculative Grammarian, Vol CXCV, No 3, H EAD OF L EARNING, L INGUISTICS T HROUGH, S ATIRE AND P UNS, Jonathan Downie, S YNTACTICO- P OET &, U NDER- E DITOR OF, U NDER- E DITING, Deak Kirkham, S ENIOR P UZZLING, T EST P ILOT, Vincent Fish, K EEPER OF THE, E DITORIAL T EA C ADDY, Pete Bleackley, A SSOCIATE D EPUTY, A SSISTANT S UB- M ANAGER, OF S ATIRICAL S UCCESS, Luca Dinu, O RTHOGRAPHER- A T- L ARGE, Daniel Swanson, D ILETTANTE E MERITUS, Tel ... [ more ]


19. The Compleat Encyclopaedia of Compendious Historical Lexicons of Obscure and Archaic Vernacular and Nomenclature (5 visits)

The Compleat Encyclopaedia of Compendious Historical Lexicons of Obscure and Archaic Vernacular and Nomenclature. Welcome to Online Selections from The Compleat Encyclopaedia of Compendious Historical Lexicons of Obscure and Archaic Vernacular and Nomenclature, researched, compiled, and edited by the lexicographers, etymologists, and philologists of Speculative Grammarian. The editors of Speculative Grammarian are delighted to present selections of the fifty-volume lexicographic opus, The Compleat Encyclopaedia of Compendious Historical Lexicons of Obscure and Archaic Vernacular and Nomenclature, online for the first time ever. The Compleat Encyclopaedia is a one-of-a-kind resource, compiled ... [ more ]


20. About Us (5 visits)

Speculative Grammarian and SpecGram.com. Our Story. The august journal Speculative Grammarian has a long, rich, and varied history, weaving an intricate and subtle tapestry from disparate strands of linguistics, philology, history, politics, science, technology, botany, pharmacokinetics, computer science, the mathematics of humor, basket weaving, archery, glass blowing, roller coaster design, and bowling, among numerous other, less obvious fields. SpecGram, as it is known to devotees and sworn enemies alike, has for centuries sought to bring together the greatest yet least understood minds of the time, embedding itself firmly in the cultural and psychological matrix of the global society while ... [ more ] Podcast!


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Last updated Mar. 15, 2026.